It can be easy to forget how good I have it sometimes; for the last couple of years I’ve player poker and bet on sport for a living. So many people would kill to do that full-time and sometimes I forget that. The enjoyment can go out of it, tied up in the day to day, play to play stresses, I need to learn to enjoy it more and remember that losses are all a part of it. It doesn’t define me.
That can be easier said than done at times, especially when you have people in your life that are negative towards your career choice. I don’t hold any anger towards those people, I appreciate the concern, but I wish they would trust me a little more. I don’t think I give off the impression of being stupid (majority of the time), so you would think there would be a level of belief in my decision making processes.
- “You’re not paying tax so you’re not contributing to society”. Not sure that’s right, paid tons of tax in my life through my businesses, I’m not doing anything illegal, in Australia we aren’t required to pay tax on this revenue. In fact the money is taxed but instead of the punter paying tax on this side the bookmakers pay tax on the money, so the idea that winnings are “untaxed” is actually wrong.
- “You’re not a hard worker”. This one annoys me, it’s totally uninformed. People don’t see the countless hours of reading, testing, studying, learning, blog writing that I do to gain better skills. I don’t dig holes for a living so that means I don’t work hard?
- “You’re a gambler”. Yes, I am. I always have been. People are so quick to split certain types of risks or gambles from others. Starting a business is a gamble, no guarantee it works out, but no one says “Boo” when it fails like most businesses ultimately do. Probably the funniest example of this double standard is the difference between a day trader that trades the stock market and a day trader that trades sport. So many people see the stock market trader as a “professional”, “a real career”, “a safer option” in the world of trading. What an absolute load of shit; it doesn’t matter what you trade, unless you have insider info, you are GAMBLING. That is by definition; risking money on an outcome that is unknown. You buy a stock with the hope it goes up, it doesn’t always happen so guess what? You just gambled.
- “You’re a gambling addict”. Truth is, there was a time in my life where my gambling was out of control. I was living so far beyond my means; it wasn’t good. That time was 10 years ago, I was 18 years old and living cheque to cheque, times have changed and I’m a little older and a lot wiser.
- “You’re an idiot”. Usually a comment like this wouldn’t upset me as I’ve been called way worse in my life 🙂 In this case though, the person who made the comment, although uninformed, makes my personal life tougher. It creates friction for me and a bunch of people close to me; that obviously doesn’t help with my overall head space.
I try not to let these things get to me, but they do. When it all comes as regularly as it does you start doubting yourself and your decisions. Not only your career path decisions, but your decisions when trading. I find that I take unneeded risks or over stake in an attempt to have a “big score” and try to stick it up the doubters. I guess it’s ego driven, but I feel like I have to prove myself. Safe to say it never works out well for me aiming for those “big scores”.
The last month has been very challenging, I haven’t made much money at all and I’ve had some personal issues that have surely played a part in that tough run. BBL was as close to Armageddon as it could be. It frustrates me that I can’t seem to make any real headway in that format as yet (that said I know I have big leaks). The added pressure from the constant losses (sometimes 4 figures) in T20 will probably see me take a back seat on it for a while. It’s not that I’ve given up completely, it’s just that I need to read over all my notes and make some adjustments to my strategies. I’m going to focus on what is clearly my best format which is Test and then some more work on ODI, my mistakes are not punished as hard in those formats and it will help me build up some confidence again. “Money lost, nothing lost, confidence lost, everything lost.”
I’m heading off to Vietnam on holiday on the 3rd of Feb. I need this break just to clear my head, read some notes, recalibrate everything and come back fresh and hungry to make some money. I always found my hunger in my businesses went through the roof after a holiday and expect to see a similar result on the trading front. The holiday will be great, but regardless of that I need to be much more grateful for what I have. I have a great life, its not exactly the way other people would live theirs, but that doesn’t make either of our lives wrong, it just makes us different.
+$554 on the week, account balance +$9,927.