In a short moment, all I could hear rattling around my head was those words I had heard so much growing up from my mother; “I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.” That was always the worst, let you wallow in your own broth for a while in your room in utter silence, thinking of what you’ve done, then the full brunt of ‘being grounded’ and bulk choirs to come, FML.
Last night I lost it, I lost my patience, I lost my control and ultimately I lost everything I had made over the last 5 nights, $650 down the drain. It pains me to admit it, but I am still a trading fish. I wouldn’t say I’m a whale as I am doing a lot of things right, but emotionally and physiologically there is still along way to go. I basically did everything I shouldn’t and payed a fairly expensive price for it.
I doubt I’m the first, or the last, to fall into the trap of having some things go against me in a trading session; partial matches of exits from market, human errors working with software, horses missing starts, false starts in races, etc and then blow it up. Raising my stakes outside of my bankroll parameters, trading on the run making last minute uninformed decisions and ultimately chasing losses. Although I’m likely not be the only one that’s monumentally fucked it up, it still pissed me off I think I actually had steam coming out of my ears. Then after I calmed down, I wasn’t angry anymore, I was just disappointed. Disappointment in yourself really hurts and anyone that has experienced that will know what I mean.
Luckily for me, I stopped, yes I wiped out a bunch of profit, by I still have my bankroll and will just need to start on the ground floor once again. Added bonus, there is more racing today (tonight for me), tomorrow and the day after. With that in mind it’s time to get back on horse and make some MOONAAAAY (loving these puns)!
In case you have fallen like I and happen to read this blog, here’s some things I will be doing to better position myself not be a complete and utter fucking spastic, Betfair trader again:
- Setting alarms on my grinding computer to go off and remind me not to be a retard.
- Taking breaks during the session to think about what I’m doing objectively, rather than just getting lost in one big time warp. Especially if things aren’t going my way or I’m not trading well.
- Sticking to the rules!
Been a bunch of things I’m doing really well, so the girl hasn’t been hiding the sharp objects in the house or locking the door to the balcony yet. Not yet.